The state of war we have been experiencing in recent days can increase emotional distress among our children—especially teenagers who, like us, are exposed to the situation through media and the social networks they constantly use.
Responses can vary from one teen to another: in some cases, a child stays shut in their room for hours in front of the computer and refuses to come out, or a girl suddenly becomes silent, withdrawn, and unwilling to share.
Even without wars, sirens, and rockets destroying entire neighborhoods, childhood—which is sometimes stereotypically perceived as a carefree, lighthearted phase—is actually a very sensitive time. It's a stage often marked by challenges related to adolescence, internal and external conflicts, and emotions that are hard to pinpoint—let alone talk about.
A child or teen in distress will usually not say, “I’m depressed.” They’ll express it in other ways—through changes in behavior or social interactions, or even through physical pain. Among teenagers—who face more intense hormonal, social, and personal changes—the risk of emotional distress is even higher. In some cases, distress can worsen and even lead to suicidal thoughts or high-risk situations. And when the distress is silent, the parent needs to know how to listen between the lines.
Often, children and teens don’t share what they’re going through with adults. The reasons vary and include shame, difficulty trusting others, a feeling that no one will understand, or simply a lack of emotional vocabulary to explain what they’re feeling.
That’s why the responsibility to see, identify, ask, and extend a hand—lies with the adults. Parents are the central figures, but teachers, counselors, relatives, neighbors, and professionals might also notice that something is wrong—and that’s an important opportunity not to ignore.
How can we tell that a child or teenager is in distress?
To identify emotional distress in a child or teen, the key adult in their life—whether a parent, teacher, counselor, or therapist—must stay attuned and alert to changes, even small ones. Emotional distress doesn’t always look like crying or an open conversation—sometimes it shows up in surprising ways, mistakenly interpreted as a “behavior problem,” “teenage phase,” or “attention-seeking.”
One of the first signs of emotional difficulty is a sudden change in behavior: a child who used to be pleasant and calm becomes irritable, explosive, or defiant—or, conversely, withdrawn, silent, and distant. Other possible signs include changes in concentration, a decline in learning ability, impatience, or a general sense of disinterest. Sometimes, the distress appears physically: recurring stomachaches or headaches, or persistent physical complaints without medical explanation—all can signal unaddressed emotional struggles.
Social behavior is also an important indicator: a sharp decline in time spent with friends, prolonged isolation in the bedroom, or on the flip side—intense and unusual involvement with new social groups, sometimes accompanied by behaviors like drinking, smoking, or drug use—might point to an effort to “fit in at any cost” or a search for belonging.
It’s also important to notice the amount of time spent in front of screens—not just how much, but also the quality of use: is the child able to disconnect? Are screens replacing social interactions, extracurricular activities, youth group involvement, or healthy sleep? Is the child exposed to violent, sexual, or disturbing content that could affect their mental state? Even changes in sleep—difficulty falling asleep, disrupted sleep, or excessive sleep—can sometimes be a symptom of emotional distress.
Among teenagers, the complexity is even greater—this is already an emotionally turbulent period, filled with mood swings, conflicts with others, and a search for identity, now layered with the current wartime situation. That’s why it's even more important to be present, recognize when something is no longer “within the norm,” and respond with understanding rather than judgment. In the end, listening—the simple, present, non-threatening kind—is what enables recognition of the distress and provides the child with an emotional anchor that can lead to expression, sharing, and possibly even the beginning of healing.
A sensitive conversation begins at the right time and place—not “in passing” or out of anger. Choose a calm moment that suits your and the child’s nature— a quiet evening at home, an invitation to sit together in a favorite spot, a shared walk, a car ride—and ask out of care, not interrogation.
The key is to be on the child’s side, not against them. Try not to judge, belittle, or rush to offer solutions. For a child, even something small can feel like the end of the world—and that’s okay. Simply knowing there’s an adult who is accepting, understanding, and non-judgmental is soothing and supportive.
Once there is a diagnosis—what’s next?
Psychiatric diagnoses such as depression, anxiety, ADHD, PTSD, and others can be intimidating to parents—and sometimes to the child as well. The recommendation is to explain them honestly, at eye level, and with respect for the child’s intelligence. Children want to understand—and that helps them cope. You can use books, videos, songs, or real-life examples. Therapy groups—where children participate with others facing similar challenges—provide a sense of belonging, reduce shame, and strengthen the message that they are not alone.
Many parents feel lost when they realize something is going on with their child—and that’s understandable.
But remember, you are not alone. Reaching out to a pediatrician, school counselor, psychologist, or any mental health professional can make a huge difference. Sometimes, just one conversation with someone who truly sees you is all it takes to start a change.
Dr. Iris Cohen Yavin, child and adolescent psychiatrist at Maccabi Healthcare Services; author of The Mirror, a fantasy story that helps children understand what ADHD is—and in the process, learn to understand others.