The summer season is beginning, and with it, a new wave of users is returning to dating apps. For many, this is a time for renewal: The end of the semester, vacations from work, and maybe even hope to fall in love before the intense heat takes over. But just when the options are at their peak, patience runs low. Every message, every profile, every tiny mistake can determine whether the conversation moves forward or vanishes.
The experts from the dating app OkCupid reveal the six biggest “red flags” that push people away – often without us even noticing we’re doing them.
A good opener is key
A light and original opening can break the ice and help the conversation flow. But sometimes, when trying to be funny or impressive, the message doesn’t come across the way you meant it to.
For example, messages like “Hiiii what’s upppp?” or babyish phrases like “Good nighty” and “Love you sooooo much” may be perceived as less serious and less pleasant, even if they were written with good intentions.
The first conversation doesn’t need to be perfect – just feel nice. A calm tone, a curious question, or a small sentence about what you did today can open the door to a great conversation.
A current and real profile photo
The first photo has power – it’s the first impression and the one that invites the other person to pause, show interest, and start a conversation. Often, we choose a filtered photo, a silly pose with our tongue out, or a landscape without a face. But now, when so many people are looking for a real connection, there’s actually an advantage to a natural, simple photo that shows who you really are.
The intention behind every photo is usually good, but sometimes an authentic picture, even if it’s less “polished,” is the one that opens the door to a genuine connection.
Phrases that appear in every profile
Many times, we come across profiles with phrases like “Looking for a real connection,” “Love the beach and wine,” or “Not here for games” – and it’s totally understandable. These are phrases that feel safe, clear, and easy to relate to. But because so many people write the same thing, there’s a growing desire to read something more personal – something that really lets us feel who you are.
It could be a short description of what your morning looks like, something small you love doing, or even a sentence that sums up a gut feeling. These small details create a sense of closeness – and make your profile stand out.
Getting to know someone at the right pace – it’s okay to ask, but also to listen
Curiosity is a natural part of getting to know someone, and many of us want to understand as much as possible from the start. But sometimes, questions aimed at creating closeness (“Were you divorced?”, “How much do you earn?”, “Did you serve in Unit 8200?”) can feel a bit premature, especially when they touch on personal topics.
Slowing the pace can actually create a pleasant and safe space for a real connection. You don’t always need to know everything right away – sometimes the uncertainty is part of the magic. A gradually developing conversation allows both people to feel seen – not just their data.
Leave room for curiosity
Online dating can stir up a lot of emotions, especially when we arrive with hope, past experiences, or a fear of getting hurt again. Sometimes, even before the connection has really begun, comments based on past disappointments or early interpretations creep into the conversation, like: “You’re not answering – are you one of those who ghost?” or “I can tell you’re playing games.”
But every new person is a new beginning – and when you bring cynicism or a sense of disappointment into the conversation, it’s hard to make space for a sincere connection. Instead, kind communication with room for humor, listening, and positive interpretation can lay the groundwork for a relationship that develops at the right pace, without needing to prove or defend anything.
Even a short conversation can end nicely
Some conversations start with a spark. They flow, they’re funny, they’re intriguing – and then suddenly they just stop. Not because anything went wrong, but because sometimes it’s just easier to disappear. But in online dating, where everything moves quickly, a small gesture of polite closure can make a big difference.
Not every conversation has to lead to something – and that’s perfectly fine. But when you end it nicely, even with a simple sentence, it leaves a feeling of mutual respect and allows each person to move on in a good way.
How to Maximize Your Chances on an Online Date
Hedi Axelrad, lecturer in the Master’s Program in Family Studies at the Academic College of Tel Aviv-Yaffo and host of the podcast update about relationships, shares two critical points that can help you bring your true self into new connections:
Align expectations with yourself: Define in advance what success means to you – and remove from that definition anything closer to an unreachable ideal than to reality. Success can also mean meeting someone new, having a pleasant conversation, or learning something new. These kinds of definitions focus on lightness and positivity – and that’s always a better starting point.
Self-confidence: Self-confidence isn’t just something very attractive to potential partners – it also allows us not to fear trying and getting rejected. Part of the search is inevitably being exposed to rejection. If we don’t try, it’ll be much harder to succeed. Work on your self-worth, find ways to handle rejection successfully, and disconnect the meaning you may have attached between a rejection experience and what it says about who you are.