Dearest Ya’ara Tehila,
Torah tziva lanu Moshe, morasha kehilat Ya’acov. “The Torah that was commanded to us by Moses is a heritage for all of Jacob.”
Those were the first words I spoke to you when I met you as a baby, and I repeat them now that you have become an adult.
The greatness of this verse is that it informs us that despite its lofty source, it extends an open invitation to embrace it. My deepest hope is that you will choose to do so.
I want you to know how much you are loved. Ah, you’ll never truly understand that until you hold your own child in your arms, but I hope that at least the knowledge of it will be enough to help you through life to get to that point.
The rest of what I want to share with you now, I know you’re not quite ready to hear yet, but I hope in a few years before you hold that baby, my grandchild, in your arms you’ll take the time to read this and think about what I am sharing with you now.
When Mommy first suggested “Ya’ara,” Hebrew for “honeysuckle,” as your name, I thought how unusual it was and asked her if I could think about it. The next day, I went for a run on the streets of Efrat and passed by a bush of ya’ara, whose aroma I have always loved, and instantly knew that, like always, your mom was right. The ya’ara has an aroma I deeply associate with the Land of Israel, and I wanted you to carry that association with you.
Like the honeysuckle, you have such a sweet spirit, Ya’ara – full of warmth, creativity, and empathy for others. You are the most perceptive of our children. You don’t just live in the world; you notice it.
You care about people, you notice when someone is left out, and you go out of your way to make them feel included. I have always said that the two most important character traits that a person can have are empathy and self-control. And you, bless God, already have an abundance of empathy. Like your dad, you need to work more on self-control.
I want you to remember that you are the daughter of kings and queens, scholars and saints, men of wisdom and women of valor. The blood of Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Rebecca, Jacob, and Rachel flows through your veins. You are a princess, and you should always comport yourself as befits your royal stature.
The rest of what I want to share is more of a stream of consciousness. But it is my consciousness, the consciousness of a father who has walked this planet for close to half a century, and it is the distillation of what I got from your grandparents and many, many, many books that I have read.
Reading is my secret weapon. Everything I have accomplished with my life is because of the books I have read and the faith I have had in God. I know you have trouble reading, so let me help you with audiobooks. They will open new vistas to you.
The value of audiobooks
• It has been said that our solar system is a molecule on a snowflake on the tip of an iceberg that is the rest of the universe. This fact never ceases to amaze me. We are so small, and yet each of us has supreme value. This fact should teach you the importance of little things and little details. It’s easy to overlook them, but my lesson is that it’s the little things in life that make the sum.
• Our culture has exchanged convictions for opinions. Opinions don’t change the world; they are bubbles people nest in because they are comfortable. Convictions are what move mountains. It was my conviction that the future of the Jewish people can be found only in the Land of Israel that moved me here as a boy, and I pray to God that you find convictions for yourself that you can live out.
• Understand how lucky you are. Most people on planet Earth would love to have what you call a bad day.
• Every movie and book about time travel worries about traveling to the past and doing something to affect the present. Our Torah, on the other hand, wants us to be careful about what we do in the present that will affect our future.
• I know that the minutiae of Halacha can sometimes be frustrating, but its details are meant to make the transcendent eminent and attainable. This is why the Torah expends so much ink on the details of the Tabernacle and the sacrifices.
• Prof. Yonatan Adler once said, “The world is composed of matter and what matters.” Russ Roberts, one of my favorite podcast hosts, made the point that while the rest of the world focuses on everyday matters, here in Israel every day matters. Keep that in mind!
• I want you to remember an important lesson from our foundational moment, the exodus from Egypt. When the Children of Israel escaped Egypt and arrived at the Red Sea, God did not make the water disappear for them. Instead, he parted the water, offering them a path through. God does not make our problems disappear; he shows us a path forward, and it is upon us to walk it.
• Our culture loves telling us about self-love and self-care. Our culture celebrates “being yourself.” That is a load of garbage. I prefer that you be self-less and to be better than yourself. Being yourself is a crime of murder of the person you can still yet be. Don’t commit murder.
Finally, I want to give thanks. I want you to know, Ya’ara, that even my giving thanks is part of my advice to you. Gratitude to God and the people who are around you are the foundation of a well-lived life.
I want to thank our friends, family, and God for you and for everything we have been blessed with, but I mostly want to thank your mother. She is the bedrock of our family, and we are all very lucky to have her in our lives.
The writer has a doctorate in Jewish philosophy and teaches in post-high-school yeshivot and midrashot in Jerusalem.