The story of Col. Assaf Hamami can be told in three acts. The first is the story of a boy who lived and breathed the IDF from his earliest days, becoming a legend in the army for his dedication to his work and to the soldiers under his command.
The second act tells the tragic tale of the morning of Oct. 7, when the 41-year-old commander of the Gaza Division’s Southern Brigade fought off dozens of terrorists before falling in the defense of Kibbutz Nirim. Hamas terrorists seized his body, and it remains in Gaza.
The third act tells the touching story of his parents, Ilan and Clara Hamami, and how their deep love, both for each other and for their son, led to their efforts to commemorate his legacy through Ohavei Asaf, a nonprofit foundation that deepens social involvement and strengthens excellence by initiating and leading personal development leadership programs inspired by the character, legacy, and personality of their son.
On a bright and hot mid-August Tel Aviv afternoon, I am sitting across from the Hamamis in a tony Tel Aviv office, where we have convened.
“From the time he was a child,” says Clara Hamami, “Asaf was…” She pauses a moment, and in a choked voice, says, “It’s difficult to say ‘was.’” Then she finishes her thought and comments quietly, “From the time he was a child, he dreamt only about the army. He played with soldiers – anything that was connected to the army was Asaf.”
The Hamamis lived in Ariel before moving to Rosh Ha’ayin, after Asaf finished sixth grade, and his younger brother, Eitan, had completed first grade. Clara was a teacher of Tanach (Bible), and Ilan was an ordnance officer in the army. He spent 20 years in the IDF and was not home often. Clara says, “He lived and breathed the army.” A trait that their older son would end up emulating.
When Asaf was two years old, Ilan’s brother Eitan died during a military exercise in the IDF. “Asaf grew up in an environment that had bereavement,” says Clara. In addition, his grandmother’s brother, Yair Tzabari, also fell during his military service.
With the trace of a smile, Clara says of Asaf, “He always said, ‘I was born too late because I should have been among those who established the country and who fought for the country, and I should have been able to hunt the Nazis during the Holocaust.’” Asaf had a keen sense of history, read the books of Elie Weisel, and watched as many Holocaust movies as he could find.
Asaf in the IDF
As a child, Clara says, Asaf always tried to get his friends involved in activities and bring those who felt like outsiders into the greater circle of friends – a trait that became evident during his IDF career.
Asaf was drafted into the IDF in 2001 and completed officers’ school, receiving the highest marks of distinction. “I have never seen anyone as involved in his work as much as you,” she would say to him. “The army was part of his life. He understood that he was on a mission.
“When he spoke about the army, it was as if he was talking about one of his children,” marvels Clara. “The stories they told about him – how he cared for and worried about his soldiers, if they had enough food.” She recalls what her son once told her: “When I tell someone that the base needs cleaning, I go with him to clean.” When he worked on the base, he would change from his uniform with the rank and insignia and put on a T-shirt.
Another time, at the conclusion of a long and grueling military exercise in the North, the soldiers were worn out, and the commanding officers ordered pizzas for their colleagues. When Asaf was offered some, he asked, “Did the other soldiers also receive some pizza?” When he was told that the pizza was for the commanders only, he declined.
For her son, says Clara, the army was above politics. “One of the strongest things about Asaf was that he never got involved in politics: It was off limits. His mission was the army – that was who he was. He encouraged people to go out and vote in the elections, which is the most democratic thing that one can do, but he opposed engaging in any kind of politics. That was Asaf.”
In 2009, Asaf married Saphir. The couple lived in Petah Tikva for 10 years before moving to Kiryat Ono in 2019. Like his father during his youth, Asaf was rarely home. The couple had three children. Ilan says that Asaf would come home once every two or three weeks.
As an indication of their generosity and selflessness, says Clara, after the wedding Asaf and Saphir donated the cash from their wedding gifts to two Ethiopian soldiers so that they could visit their parents in Gondar.
“It’s not easy for me to speak about Asaf,” confesses his father, “so I built a shield to protect myself. “As a child, Asaf was very analytical. When we had conversations, he was almost always able to change my mind. He was an original thinker, and on the personal level he knew how to give meaning to another person.”
Asaf served in a variety of leadership positions in the IDF before becoming commander of the Southern Brigade in the Gaza Strip in May 2022.
October 6 and 7: Declaration of war
On the night of October 6, 2023, Asaf was spending Shabbat and Simchat Torah with his six-year-old son, Alon, at the Gaza Division base. The boy was looking forward to spending the holiday with his father, who had planned to spend Yom Kippur at home with the family but was unable to do so because of security warnings.
“We spoke to Alon on Friday, October 6,” Clara says. “He was so happy. Alon had waited for so long to be with his father, and the family was supposed to join them the following day.” The father and son, along with the rest of the family, had planned a hike for the next day.
Asaf slept wearing his military uniform, sitting in a chair, his mother says. “When they woke him up and notified him of the attack, he was wearing his uniform pants and his boots. Afterwards, when we spoke to Alon, we asked him, ‘Did Abba speak with you before he left?’ He replied, ‘Abba said, “I love you. Be strong, even if I don’t come back and see you again.”’
When Asaf heard the alarm signaling the incoming Hamas attack, he sent his son to the base’s military operations room and headed toward Kibbutz Nirim with two soldiers, Staff Sgt. Tomer Ahmias and Sgt. Kiril Brodski, in a light armored vehicle. Immediately recognizing the gravity of the situation, Asaf announced at 6:44 a.m. via the communications system that Israel was in a state of war. This was Israel’s first official declaration of war on Oct. 7.
“On Oct. 7,” explains Ilan, “in the very first moment, he understood that this was not just another breach of the fence – it was a war. At that moment, Asaf understood that he was not only a brigade commander – he understood that, above all, he was a soldier of the people of Israel.” He asked residents to go into protected spaces, called up security squads, and requested that tanks be sent to the border.
Kibbutz Nirim
Clara explains that her son decided to go to Kibbutz Nirim because, strategically, that was the area designated to assemble in case of a security incident. Even before he and the two soldiers with him entered the kibbutz, he realized that the fence had been breached, and the battle began.
They entered through the main gate of Nirim. At that point, they were the only Israeli soldiers facing a force of dozens of terrorists who had already invaded the kibbutz. One of the residents testified that Asaf was wounded shortly after he and his men entered the kibbutz. The two soldiers – Ahmias and Brodski – carried him toward the soccer field. They found a shelter and tried to dress his wounds while simultaneously fighting the terrorists.
At 6:54 a.m., Ahmias made a tourniquet for Asaf and noted the time. No blood was found on the tourniquet, indicating that he had been unable to apply it in time. At 7:05 a.m., they contacted the situation room and asked for assistance to help rescue their commander. They reported his wound by stating, “Brigade commander flower; must evacuate.” “Flower” was a code word indicating that the commander had been wounded. The message was not answered, and no further communications were received from Asaf and his men.
Asaf’s son, Alon, spent much of the day in a side room in the operations center until he was safely removed from the base later that day and brought home to his mother.
Asaf, Ahmias, and Brodski were killed defending Nirim. Their bodies remained in the kibbutz until 8:30 that morning. When the Nukhba terrorists took their bodies to Gaza, they realized that one of them – Asaf – was an officer. “We had hoped that Asaf was fighting that day without his rank showing,” says Clara, recalling how he frequently would be on base without wearing his stripes. But that day, he was, and Hamas knew it.
The IDF recovered the bodies of Tomer Ahmias and Kiril Brodski in July 2024. Asaf’s body remains in Gaza. The Chief Rabbinate ruled, based on blood samples obtained, that he had died. His funeral was held in early December 2023, though there was no body to bury.
Ohavei Asaf
After their son’s death, Clara and Ilan established a nonprofit called Ohavei Asaf – Lovers of Asaf. The organization is centered around what Ilan calls the “Ten Commandments of Asaf”:
1. Modesty and respect for others.
2. Staying focused on your goal.
3. Being steady and strong.
4. Believing in your own path.
5. Giving of oneself.
6. Avoiding judgment and criticism.
7. Knowing how to forgive.
8. Listening.
9. Speaking less and doing more.
10. Unconditional love.
Asaf’s Ten Commandments are found in many schools throughout Israel, they say.
Their son’s first love was education, say Clara and Ilan, and education is the primary function of the foundation. Its flagship project is Beit Asaf – the National Home for male and female reservists. It originated with women reserve soldiers and has been expanded to male reservists as well.
The purpose of the program is to provide a hub for support, empowerment, and training for reservists, and provide a professional framework in the fields of mental resilience, career guidance, and community connection. The six-month program offers personal mentors for all participants. It is the individual guidance that is provided in the program, explains Clara, that distinguishes the program from other ones that assist IDF reservists.
A joint program of the Defense Ministry and the IDF, the programs for Beit Asaf currently meet in different locations throughout Israel, but the foundation is planning the construction of a physical home in the Sirkin area near Petah Tikvah.
A significant component of the initiative is the Sunflower program. This six-month guidance program provides tools and support for returning to civilian life and routine after extended periods of reserve duty. It is accompanied by a professional team of mentors, a psychologist, and career advisers. Sunflower is targeted at women reservists and officers, ages 23 to 32, who served during the current and are struggling to return to their daily lives.
The counterpart program for male reservists, the Hamami program, is designed to build a community of reservists who will follow the values of Asaf – social responsibility, mutual assistance, and love of the people and the Land of Israel. The six-month program is intended for reserve soldiers ages 22 to 40 who served in the Israel-Hamas War, and helps maintain their motivation, a sense of personal capabilities, and personal resilience. In addition, it provides guidance for those seeking it in their studies, employment, and financial matters.
The inspiration for this program stems from the care and concern for reservists that Asaf exhibited throughout his military career. Earlier, he headed the reservists section for the Negev, knew all the reservists in his unit, and helped them whenever they encountered difficulties, whether they were IDF related or otherwise.
“Whenever a reservist had a problem,” says Clara, “he would step in. There was a reservist who wanted to start a business but couldn’t make it work – Asaf made sure to connect him with someone, arranged some donation or support, and helped him set up a company.”
More programs
Ohavei Asaf is also developing a pre-military program for post-high school students (mechina) that will serve as an educational and practical incubator for the younger generation, seeking to restore pioneering spirit, belonging, and responsibility in Israeli society, through connection to national values.
Another project established in Asaf’s memory was created by Haim Taib, founder and president of the Menomadin Group, who met Clara and Ilan on the March of the Living in 2024. Inspired by the story of Asaf, he established the Menomadin-Peres Executive Initiative, a program designed to strengthen Israel’s social resilience through a unique connection among the business, public, and social sectors, emphasizing broad collaboration that empowers society as a whole.
The program initiative is a partnership of the Menomadin Foundation, the Peres Academic Center, and the Knesset, in partnership with Harvard University. Candidates for the program can apply for scholarships from a fund established in memory of Asaf.
The initiative consists of two complementary leadership development programs. The first program, Leading Change for Impact in Israeli Society, is offered by the Peres Academic Center and delivered by prominent Israeli thought leaders. This program provides an in-depth understanding of Israeli society and governance, offering participants comprehensive knowledge of the country’s key challenges and equipping them with practical tools to drive positive change.
The second program, Private Leadership and Negotiation as a Tool for Public Sector Intervention, is offered by the Harvard Kennedy School Executive Education (HKS).
Ultimately, say Clara and Ilan, the goal of the Ohavei Asaf Foundation is to create a better society. “In the end, we live in one country. We want to commemorate the memory of those whose lives were lost – not just Asaf, but all of our heroes. We are not memorializing Asaf: He is present all the time.”
Keeping going – an amazing privilege
The Hamamis spend most of their time on the foundation. Says Ilan, “People ask us, ‘How are you still standing on your feet? How do you manage to keep going?’”
He says, “You have to find a solution for yourself when facing something like this. For everything you face, even in a marriage, it’s a different kind of marriage than it was two years ago. It’s not the same relationship.
“My sons knew what I expected from them. Today, I know what Asaf expects from me – to be strong,” Ilan says. “Because he tells me, ‘Listen, Abba, I wouldn’t have carried out this mission if I didn’t know that you are such strong and good parents. After all, what does it mean when I say that I rely on my parents? It means that everything I am is thanks to my parents.’ And as Clara always says, even if she had held him by the shoulders, he would have shaken his mother off and charged forward.”
The impact that Asaf made on Israeli society is brought home by a story that Ilan shares from his visit to Meron two days after Lag Ba’Omer in May 2024. “We went to the compound of the grave of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai. There were many people there from the different circles of the ultra-Orthodox world.
“They assisted me in putting on tefillin, and I began to read the ‘Shema.’ I then removed the tefillin and started to leave the compound. Suddenly, a Jew tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and saw a man with a black hat. I said, ‘How can I help you?’ He said to me, ‘I want you to give me a blessing. I said, ‘You want me to bless you?’ The man nodded his head, so I blessed him and wished him health and success.
“I looked up and I saw 20 or 30 people standing in line. I asked them, ‘Why do you want me to bless you all?’ They answered me, ‘You are the father of someone greater than Rabbi Akiva. When Rabbi Akiva met Asaf in heaven, he said, ‘I realize this is your place; you will sit next to the Almighty, and I will sit by your side. And we want your blessing because you are his father.’
“I said to myself, ‘What an amazing privilege – that I am the father of Asaf Hamami.’”