The education system in Israel is far from perfect. The classrooms are crowded, kindergartens lack staff, and the teachers and kindergarten teachers are forced to work under difficult and sometimes unfair conditions. And within this system there are people – male and female teachers, male and female kindergarten teachers, male and female aides – who spend a large part of their day with your children, and in fact become key figures in their lives.
It is very easy to be angry at this system. At the homeroom teacher who didn’t notice what your child was going through, at the kindergarten teacher who sends messages too early in the morning, or at the teacher who is not always available to us, the worried parents. It’s easy to be angry, because we know the system is complicated, not perfect, and because in the end – we simply care about our children.
But it is important to remember that in the overwhelming majority of cases, the educators who accompany our children from kindergarten through the end of high school do so wholeheartedly, out of a true sense of mission and a sincere desire to help. It is also important to remember that beyond the crowded classrooms and the constant noise, they also have to deal with dozens of parents who want to know everything, all the time, and expect an immediate response – often during an intense workday. And this is not a simple challenge.
Amid the concerns and burdens of parenthood, many forget that children’s relationship with their teachers is one of the most significant relationships in their lives. And like in any relationship, here too it is important to know how to manage it correctly: how to set boundaries, how to respect, and how to let go of control when needed – in order to allow our children to grow with confidence.
<br>Setting Expectations
The expectation of parents in 2025 to be involved in every detail of the classroom or kindergarten is unrealistic, and sometimes even harmful, both to teachers and to children. True, as parents we would be happy to receive regular updates on what is happening, but let’s ask ourselves: Do we really want the teacher or kindergarten teacher to dedicate a large part of their day to photographing, sending WhatsApp messages, or managing impressions for the parents? Of course not, such a teacher or kindergarten teacher is far less present with the children.
One of the biggest challenges in sending children to educational frameworks is letting go of control. It’s not easy, sometimes it’s even painful, but it’s part of parenthood. The moment we try to manage our children’s teachers, everyone gets hurt: The teacher, the child, and we ourselves. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible to reach out and talk, but it’s better to do it outside of class hours, with the understanding that these are human beings with lives of their own – with families, commitments, and leisure time that they deserve no less.
And when you do reach out, during hours set by the teacher or after coordinating a phone meeting, remember to approach respectfully and calmly. And if you are too angry or upset, it is better to let the other parent handle the conversation or postpone it to another day.
A small tip: Before you contact the teacher or kindergarten teacher, ask yourself – would I want to be approached this way? The answer will guide you to the right tone.
<br>What do your children hear at home?
Many parents have criticism of the education system – some of it stems from today’s reality, some from our childhood memories. But this criticism should not pass directly to the children. If they hear us speak disrespectfully about teachers, if they see eye-rolling or disparaging comments – they too will learn not to trust the system, and will arrive at kindergarten or school with a sense of insecurity. Our personal example influences much more than any message we say aloud.
It is important to clarify: Respect does not mean blind obedience – we are allowed to disagree on a certain issue, we are allowed to ask for a change if something harms our child, and our child is also allowed not to like their teacher. But the way we express this must be respectful, because these people hold a significant part in shaping our children’s lives.
And if our children behave aggressively or disrespectfully toward their teachers – here it is our role to set a boundary and teach them otherwise. Our children will encounter many complex figures in life – from a police officer giving them a ticket to an unbearable boss. The relationship with educators is an opportunity to teach them now how to behave respectfully toward authority, even when it is not perfect.
<br>How does your conversation with the teacher look?
Many parents approach the school like a battlefield, or with the feeling of “I must protect my child,” or like scolded children who have been sent to the principal. This is understandable, because our children are the most precious thing to us. But this approach causes both sides to dig into their positions.
If you are invited to a meeting with the teacher or kindergarten teacher, or initiate a meeting following various challenges, try to come from a place of listening, not of attack. If your child is struggling in class or kindergarten, try to ask for help instead of being angry at the situation – recruit the kindergarten teacher or teacher for help.
When we choose to see educators as partners who are trying, just like us, to do what’s best for the child – the dialogue becomes genuine cooperation. This is not about giving up criticism or the need to protect the child, but about a smarter way to produce results: Enlisting the educational staff to help us and our children.
In addition, just as we expect teachers to get to know our child in depth, so too must we as parents share important information: If something unusual is going on with them, what helps them calm down, what challenges them, and what strengths they have. Such sharing creates a real team around the child.
<br>Pay attention to what is good too
Our tendency as parents is to focus on what isn’t good: The message that came at the wrong time, the child who didn’t get attention, the less pleasant experience. But if we stop and pay attention – we’ll discover there are many things that do work: A small hug, a teacher who enthusiastically shared about a book, or a kindergarten teacher who wholeheartedly celebrated a child’s birthday. When we talk about these things at home – we strengthen our children to see the good, not just what is lacking.
At the end of the day, teachers, kindergarten teachers, and aides may not be perfect – but neither are we. Our children do not need a perfect framework, but one that has people who see them, listen to them, and accompany them along the way.
If we remember that between parents and educators there is a shared goal – to give our children a sense of security and the ability to grow – everything else will become simpler. And in the end, we all want the same thing: To see our children enter a framework that accepts them as they are, and allows them to flourish. The path there goes through true partnership, mutual respect, and a little more trust.