Rosh Hashanah has just passed, a time when we usually embrace renewal and excitement about life’s cycles. It’s the chance for a fresh start; it’s dressing in white, wishing each other “shanah tova,” and gathering with family.
As the mother of a hostage, the holiday that just ended held no meaning for me.
I could not feel renewal, I could not feel excitement. Whether this year will be different depends entirely on people’s actions, including those of decision-makers. One of them is Strategic Affairs Minister Ron Dermer, head of negotiations for the release of the hostages since February 2025.
Since his appointment, not a single hostage has been returned through negotiations. As Yom Kippur approaches – our holiest day of atonement and accountability – this failure takes on even deeper meaning.
Despite his extensive diplomatic activity, I admit that before October 7, 2023, I barely knew Ron Dermer. He is not an elected official and never ran on a platform I might have considered when voting. Yet, he has become one of the most influential people in Israel’s political arena.
For nearly two years, my life has depended entirely on decision-makers: their considerations, priorities, and actions.
My son Tamir was kidnapped from his home in Kibbutz Nir Oz while his wife Hadas and children Asaf and Neta were in the safe room. He tried to protect them and his community from the brutal attack by Hamas terrorists and Palestinian civilians. Tamir was severely wounded, kidnapped, and did not survive. For nearly two years, I have waited for my son to return to his homeland, where he was born and raised, the place where he could not be protected, where he was attacked.
I understand that any deal to bring back all the hostages is complicated, but I never dreamed my son would lie in foreign soil for nearly two years while decision-makers don’t prioritize his return.
We must hold Hamas accountable, and we can do this anywhere, anytime. We demonstrate this every day around the world.
Ron Dermer was supposed to save the hostages. He failed
However, returning Tamir and all 48 hostages must happen immediately. This would be possible if Ron Dermer’s team was focused solely on working day and night to bring back all hostages.
I have learned, however, that the negotiation team head supports military operations as a way of bringing back the hostages, despite the risks to the remaining living hostages and to our ability to be able to locate those who died.
How did a person who only entered our lives due to his closeness to Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu become so influential in our lives and in hostage negotiations?
The Hebrew term for “negotiations,” masa u’matan, contains within it the essence of the action: to sit and discuss matters in order to find a solution for a problem.
So how have months passed since Dermer’s appointment without any progress in bringing the hostages home? How does he not make time, as head of the negotiating team, to meet with hostage families and explain the process and his strategy?
Many months ago, I requested a meeting with Dermer, and I still haven’t received a response. Is it because my son is considered chalal (fallen in battle) – and therefore some don’t understand that time is running out for him, too – that I’m denied a meeting, an explanation, an accounting of efforts to return Tamir home? To perform the most Jewish act of bringing him to proper burial and eternal rest in his homeland?
Why, after six months since Dermer’s appointment, are negotiations more stuck than ever? I know that, if I held such a position and failed to achieve my objective within a set time frame, it would mean I had failed in my role.
We just sat at holiday tables and recited blessings expressing our wishes for the new year, yet there was no sign of an agreement on the horizon from determined negotiations.
Now I must tell you, Mr. Dermer: some failures cannot be forgiven. Some inaction becomes unforgivable. If my son and the other 47 hostages are not returned, if you continue to avoid meeting with families, if you persist in seeing military action as the primary path forward despite the risks, your failure will be one that haunts you forever.
On Yom Kippur, we engage in heshbon hanefesh – a deep accounting of the soul. Minister Dermer, what will your accounting reveal? That you prioritized other considerations over bringing our loved ones home? That you couldn’t find time to face the families whose lives hang in your balance? That you allowed months to pass without progress while 48 souls remain in captivity?
Minister Dermer, your job is to secure a deal for the return of all the hostages. If you don’t do this, it will become a stain that follows you through life and defines your legacy.
The new year we blessed with “shanah tova” will only be a good one through the actions of those who care about others and act to make things better. As we prepare for the most solemn day of our calendar, may we merit actions – not just prayers – that return all our hostages.
The writer is the mother of hostage Tamir Adar, who was murdered and whose body is held by Hamas in Gaza.