Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. – Ambrose Bierce
In what is perhaps the ultimate revenge against Iran and Hamas, we have been to three weddings over the last six days.
We were invited to two more but didn’t attend, as they were downsized according to Home Front Command regulations due to the 12-day war with Iran. That’s five weddings in less than two weeks. I want to wish all the newly married a big mazal tov, and they should merit building a bayit ne’eman b’Yisrael (faithful home in Israel).
In this week’s Torah portion, Chukat, we read about the incomprehensible decree of the red heifer. When one has become defiled due to contact with a corpse, purity can be regained by being sprinkled with water that has the ashes of the red heifer mixed in. It is perplexing, to say the least.
Rabbi Moshe Bogomilsky cites an interpretation from the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson.
“The laws concerning the red heifer are paradoxical. On the one hand, when the mixture is sprinkled on the defiled person, he becomes cleansed. On the other hand, those who are involved in the preparation of the red heifer become defiled. The priests appointed to prepare the red heifer may rationally argue, ‘Why should we become defiled for the sake of those who were not careful to avoid contact with a corpse?’”
He continues, “Hence, it could be said that the statute of the red heifer teaches that a Jew must help another Jew even if it requires sacrifice. This is ‘chukat haTorah’ – ‘a basic principle of Torah’ – and though we may not easily comprehend it, we must practice it in our daily lives.”
It goes without saying that the essence of marriage is giving to the other, not just when you will benefit, but even when it involves sacrifice.
Previous to the 12-day war, I met with a couple who had recently received a decent-sized inheritance. After we discussed their monthly cash flow needs, I started asking them about their short-term, mid-term, and long-term goals.
As if on cue, they both answered that the most important goal they have is marrying off their children and helping them buy apartments. Interestingly, making sure they had enough money for retirement came in a distant second.
Start planning
As a financial professional, I have found that a significant amount of my meetings are related to helping financially plan for weddings. While some parents have been forward-thinking and put away money for future weddings, most only start thinking about it when their children get out of high school.
We don’t always think so far ahead when it comes to planning for life-cycle events, but we need to. It becomes vital to save as much as possible and as soon as possible. A realistic plan to marry off our children should be formulated, minimizing the amount of possible debt.
Those who are just scraping by on a month-to-month basis and have no real savings should contact organizations like Mesila or Paamonim for help in creating a realistic plan of how much to contribute toward the young couple and whether it is realistic.
How to plan
One typical example is a couple with four children, who have about $120,000 in the bank. The oldest child is a 16-year-old boy, followed by girls aged 15, 11, and a nine-year-old boy. The couple assumes that both the oldest boy and girl will get married in around six to seven years. For the younger two kids, there is plenty of time.
The first step the parents need to do is to try and figure out how much money they would like to give to each child; the same amount to each, or a more flexible amount depending on need. Keep in mind that the younger children will potentially get a lot more than their older siblings, as they have more than a decade for their money to grow.
Because of the longer-term investment horizon for the younger children, they can actually allocate more to the older children because of the potential portfolio growth that I mentioned. That means instead of giving each one a quarter of the amount, they can give closer to 35-40% to the older kids.
Professional advice
It is very important to work with a professional who can assess your situation and make sure that your investment strategy will help you reach your goal. The importance of investing wisely, in this particular case, cannot be stressed enough, because if you either delay or don’t properly allocate your funds, you will either have less money than planned or need to take on debt to marry off your children.
Marrying off your children is a blessing, and if you take the proper steps now, your blessing doesn’t have to lead to economic collapse.
The information contained in this article reflects the opinion of the author and not necessarily the opinion of Portfolio Resources Group, Inc. or its affiliates.
Aaron Katsman is the author of Retirement GPS: How to Navigate Your Way to A Secure Financial Future with Global Investing. www.gpsinvestor.com; aaron@lighthousecapital.co.il